Saturday, April 7, 2012

Anime Skyla, you are a bitch. No offense.

Just to note: I'll be switching between English and Japanese names pretty often, because I can't decide on a proper one to use during this rant. Also, if you find this similar to a certain other rant someplace else, that's because it is. It's about three posts earlier.
First, she won't even bother to do her job right. Gym battles are shortened to "Air battles" with imaginary scenarios.
i.e:
Swoobat, Unfezant and Swanna(Skyla's team)
VS
Emolga, Boldore, and Zebstrika(challenger's team)
Swoobat loses because Emolga zaps it(Wut).
Unfezant loses because Boldore stone-edges it.
Swanna loses because Zebstrika, again, zaps it(Again. Wut).
I mean, what's stopping those pokemon from not even knowing electric and rock-type attacks? My salamence didn't even have a single dragon or flying-type attack back in the day. It still doesn't have a single flying-type attack. That presumption that electric-types and rock-types have electric-type and rock-type moves respectively is just plain dumb.

And so, Dento(Cilan), a fellow gym leader, is justifiably pissed at this. To show her that she's wrong, he challenges her to a gym battle. Here's Skyla's air battle assumption:
Swoobat, Unfezant, and Swanna VS Pansage, Crustle, and Stunfisk
Pansage loses because Unfezant pecks it in the tree(head, whatever).
Crustle loses because Swanna bubblebeams it to death(WTH?).
Stunfisk loses because Swoobat, I dunno, zaps it with some hypnosis/confuse ray sort of attack.

Either way, it's a stupid way to assume things. And so, Dento forces her to have a proper gym battle. True, for some reason, he doesn't want his Yanappu(pansage) to use Rock Tomb, or his Iwapalace(Crustle) to use rock slide, but never mind that. Yanappu is defeated in only two attacks(somewhat justified, since grass is weak to flying, and its Rock Tomb was probably a case of DidNotDoTheResearch), and Iwapalace manages to deafeat Kokoromori(swoobat) and Kenhallow(Unfezant) with rock wrecker and x-scissor. And then, comes the dumbest part yet.

Swanna. I just want to stone that little PelipperExpy right now. That thing can somehow spam Brave Bird without recoil damage, can heal burn wounds, attacks from an Iwapalace that has enhanced attack stats, and a squarely-hit scald with one single Aqua Ring. Not to mention, it can somehow repel thundershock. An attack with 4x effectiveness against it. And so, it continues to spam Brave Bird WITHOUT RECOIL DAMAGE WHATSOEVER and defeats Iwapalace and Muggyo(stunfisk). Note that Iwapalace was strong enough to defeat an Escavalier and Accelgor with just one rock wrecker hit respectively. Needless to say, poor Dento is sad. We all are.

She gets bored after just. One. Battle. And cancels the other challenges for the afternoon. Proper behaviour for a gym leader? No way in hell. Satoshi(Ash) challenges her to a proper battle too, and she wants to reject it. He shows her his three pokemon: Waruvile(Krokorok), Hatoboh(Tranquill), and Pikachu(Duh). Although Gantle(Boldore)'d have been a better option, it's understandable that he doesn't want to use it for two gym battles in a row. Besides, Waruvile(Dark type) against Kokoromori(Psychic type) is a pretty good strategy.

She anticipates he'll lose.
Swoobat, Unfezant, and Swanna VS Krokorok, Tranquill, and Pikachu
Krokorok loses because it can't attack Swoobat since it's in the air(Haven't you heard of Rock-type attacks, lady?).
Tranquill loses because Unfezant is its evolution(Obviously, this lady has never watched Ash's battle with Lt. Surge).
And so, only Pikachu is left to deal with all three. It'll lose for sure.
Ash disagrees. And for once, I agree with him, even though Iris and Dento's derp faces were to die for.
And so, comes the challenge. Poor Waruvile loses to Swoobat, because it's "grounded", but it still lost way too quickly for a dark type. As usual, Skyla-hack. Tranquill follows by defeating Swoobat(YES) and Pikachu defeats Kenhallow(That Kenhallow really suffers from the Worf). The Damn Swanna again. Somehow using Aqua Ring, it can repel a Thunderbolt from THE Pikachu. THE GOD MODE Pikachu. And somehow, it managed to defeat a pikachu. A GOD MODE Pikachu with a 4x type-advantage effectiveness against it. That Swanna is the biggest hack I've seen so far, and I've seen wild Rufflets and Munnas appearing in Nuvema Town.

I really admit, I was cheering for this Gym battle. It's not often that I cheer for gym battles, but I suddenly wanted Satoshi to kick her ass really, really hard. And so he did, when Tranquill evolved mid-battle against Swanna into a FEMALE Unfezant(Apparently, females fly faster than males and such). YES. One awesome flying sequence and an Aerial Ace takes that arrogant little Swan-thing down. Seriously, Satoshi's Unova team really kicks ass. And that anime-only jerkass is taken down for good.

Apparently, her grandpa, the previous anime-only gym leader, is no better either. He's the organiser for a "Bell of Wishes Festival", and he starts the quiz round with a question along the lines of, "True or False: Between Joy-san(Nurse Joy) and Junsa-san(Officer Jenny), I prefer Junsa-san." As quoted by Iris, "How the heck are we supposed to know that?!" He also rejects Dento and Yanappu's fabulous Elesa and Emonga(Emolga) cosplay simply because "I'm a huge fan, so I can't help but be strict." Sheesh, man.

What's really amazing is how they come up with all these alternate character intepretations from the games: Cilan becomes from stuttering novice Gym Leader to Fabulous Pokemon, Movie, Fishing, Detective, and Battling Sommelier(Connossieur); Skyla from GenkiGirl who loves cannons to regular jerkass of a gym leader; Alder from a somewhat badass guy who can jump from ten-foot cliffs and land unscathed into a middle-aged version of Brock. I might want a future position in Anime ScreenWriting.

Here's the video of Dento's battle: I recommend muting it if you like your battles music-less.

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